How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
