not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i drank out of a bidet.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
