Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
