Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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