Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
