Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
