he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
