I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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