My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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