How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
love makes seman taste better
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
