I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
