Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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