Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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