Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
