I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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