I wish my penis had an off switch
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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