dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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