my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
