it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my sisters under your porch take her home
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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