He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
