six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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