I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
