my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
