I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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