woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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