so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
