We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
