so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
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My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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