we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
