Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
