My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize