she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
