Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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