I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
