what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
