Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
