i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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