You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just gargled with NyQuil
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
