sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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