There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
