It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
