I'm pants shitting drunk right now
well I can't set my house on fire every night
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
