exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i can't believe i had my finger in that
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
