I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
