girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
