just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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