don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
