What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
