just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He kissed a someone with a penis
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
