I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
