Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize