4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just threw up on my dentist
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
