The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
