Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
