My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I met the friendliest cop last night
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
