Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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