Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
