Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Randomize
