I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
