I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my shit smells like andre
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize