sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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