Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
