at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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