Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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