I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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